Posted by Amy on April 05, 2002 at 11:36:50:
In Reply to: Re: parental rights/termination of posted by JoEllen on March 26, 2002 at 15:45:49:
: : u women make me so sick didn't u know he was a loser before you obligated your lineage to him?
: : now you want to strip away his rights look if her isn't taking care of his child fine because if u are a strong woman u will prevail, but don't mess his background up and spend a bunch of money and clog up the court system even more with a petty 8,000 dollar debt. the child will grow up an hate you for choosing money over his bloodline
I have to agree that "Hooked on Phonics" would do wonders for you. Ignoring this, I am a single mother who has raised her two sons (ages 12 and 14) since birth. My former spouse (their father) has never paid child support and never been involved in their lives. It saddens me deeply for my sons as I know they must be in great pain because of this. I waited until they were teenagers to give them the option of allowing my second husband to adopt them. We've had numerous discussions about this and I will respect their decision. The tragedy is not just in their father's lack of interest in these beautiful children, but also that they must be burdened with such a huge decision at all. The problem is, if we do not follow through with termination of the father's parental rights, in the event I die he will take custody of our children. His lifestyle is anything but healthy for raising children and he has demonstrated an absolute disinterest in raising them. It horrifies me to think that they might become wards of the state if their father will not take them to raise or if he somehow neglects them and they are harmed irreparably.
Conversely, my current spouse has raised my sons since we met years ago. He loves them and has provided for us financially, emotionally and in every imaginable way. My sons love him dearly, although they are distinctly aware (upon my insistance) that he is not their biological father. They know all about their father, his family and their "lineage". They call him "Dad" and call my current spouse by his first name.
Termination of any parent's rights to their children is a very serious matter. Although my former spouse is obviously disinterested in his sons, I have not arrived at this decision lightly. In fact, the only reason I have not pursued him legally for child support is that I did not want a barrier between us when he wanted to visit his children. I wanted him to feel free to call or come see them at any time. He has chosen not to.
This is not about money or revenge, but about love. It takes a lot of love and patience to raise a child properly and I make more mistakes than any parent ought to be allowed to, but I truly love my sons and want the best for them - whether I am alive to provide it or I must provide it posthumously.
We cannot force someone to be a parent. We certainly cannot force someone to be a GOOD parent. However, as loving parents ourselves, we can provide a safe, secure and happy environment for our children to grow up in. That's all I want for mine. I don't want their father's money or anything else from him. I only want the security of my sons if I die.